Derick and Jose: An Intimate Cliff Top Wedding
Like so many couples, Derick and Jose's original wedding plans had to be rethought entirely and rethought it was.
"In the end, we agreed that nothing about 2021 or 2022 would be guaranteed and were determined to go ahead with our ceremony," the grooms tell us.
On the cliff tops of the South Gippsland coast, Derick and Jose planned an intimate wedding, "we wanted to be surrounded by our closest family and friends. In the end, we were blessed to be able to celebrate with a party of 24."
Photography Glen Nicholls
How and when did you meet?
Jose: This is a question best posed to me, as Derick self-proclaims having the worst memory, particularly when it comes to dates. We first met in July of 2016 in Adelaide, South Australia. We met online and played tag through instant messages.
Tell us a little about the first time you met?
Jose: Our first date was on a Thursday, as Derick is a bit of a workaholic and couldn't go out on a school night.
Our first date was a coffee date at the CIBO on Rundle Street in Adelaide, but both our versions of the story will slightly vary, though. Derick claims I was late, whereas I claim this is a bit of an over-exaggeration and that I was only two minutes late.
Derick: Jose was late because he needed to find a toilet on his way to the cafe, which ultimately didn't happen. As a result, the first thing he said to me upon arriving at the cafe was, “I have to use the bathroom, can you please hold this for me [Jose handed me a vest] … don't run away!"
Jose: Derick thought he was being sweet and worried that he’d run away because of first impressions, but we both joke now that it was because I didn’t want Derick to run off with my vest.
What could easily have only been a one hour coffee catch-up, turned out to be six hours of fun and engaging conversation. We sat at the CIBO until it closed, went to the bar around the corner, until it closed, and then went for a walk along the Torrens River before saying goodnight.
Derrick: If you asked the two of us, we could both tell you there was an instant connection. Jose and I have been together ever since, so approximately 4.5 years by the time our wedding date came.
What was the first thing you noticed about each other?
Jose: When I met him, I found Derick very attractive; I thought he was a good looking guy.
Derick: Having met Jose online, I already knew he was attractive; so when I met him in person, it was just a question of his personality and whether there’d be a connection. I wasn’t disappointed and was excited at how at ease we both were with one another.
Jose: Across those six hours, as Derick and I got to know one another, though we come from different countries and very different backgrounds, we saw many commonalities, as well as qualities that we were both looking for in a partner:
Someone who is funny and has a good sense of humour;
Someone who is authentic and empathetic;
Someone with a drive to better one’s position in the world;
An explorer and someone who loves adventure;
Someone who values family and friends.
Any standout moments in your relationship?
Jose: Every day is a blessing, really. I’ve enjoyed being with Derick since the day we met.
Derick: I agree, every day is a blessing, but there have been moments that standout for various reasons. For example:
When we first met, I was switching roles in my company and about to move to Melbourne; we’d either have to do long-distance or take a chance and move together. I’d done long-distance twice before, though, and wasn’t interested. In the end, Jose obviously said yes, and I was able to ask him to be my partner on 1 October 2016, on our drive from Adelaide to Melbourne.
13 Jul 2019 - Our engagement in Byrkjelo, Norway
16 Jul 2019 - The granting of our PR from the Australian Government
July 2020 - The submission of our AU citizenship application, which is an approximate 24 month waiting period - so hopefully by July 2022
Have you ever faced any issues of non-acceptance?
Jose: I did not come out until I was 30. Whilst I haven’t experienced rejection or non-acceptance from someone being offensive to my face, I am aware when people aren’t supportive, or when they don’t approve of my lifestyle, or me being gay. Through the years, though, I’ve learnt that this is not my issue, but theirs. Even still, I am aware of instances when I may need to be careful of what I say in order to avoid unnecessary conflict.
Derick: Oddly enough, I think the biggest issue of non-acceptance that I’ve ever faced is my own self-acceptance of being a gay man. The journey, which at times was long and often lonely, took me through the lowest points in my life. It took me to the age of 25 to understand and accept that the issues that others had with my life were simply that - their issues - and I couldn’t continue to make them my issues; it was simply too great a burden to bear. Once I accepted that a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders - and I am blessed to be able to say that, regardless of what struggles I’ve had in the past, I’ve always had the love and support from those who mean the most to me.
What does marriage mean to you?
Jose: Love, commitment, partnership, stability, being together, etc. It’s the most solid bond between two individuals that love one another.
Derick: I see marriage as the simple act taken to formally recognise, by society and its institutions, the commitment made by two people and the love that they confess. I don't believe it's required for love to exist in a relationship, but can be a step that partners take, if they so choose.
Who proposed and how?
Derick: I proposed to Jose while on a road trip through Norway. We had made the trip to Scandinavia to attend another wedding in Stockholm, Sweden, where I - unofficially - officiated the ceremony of a pair of our friends from Adelaide.
Following that ceremony, Jose and I flew over to Alesund, Norway, where we meanderingly made our way down to Stavenger, Norway. I didn’t know exactly where I was going to do it, I just knew I wanted it to happen early in the four days we had in Norway; I wanted it outdoors and I was looking for a grand setting / backdrop. After a nerve racking close call on day one, I made up my mind the morning of day two.
On the morning of 13 July 2019, I picked a strategic spot along a lake in Byrkjelo, Norway to pull over and enjoy breakfast. There was a convenient picnic table on the side of the road, but it was too close to the highway, with a fairly consistent stream of one or two cars passing, which wasn’t the intimate setting I was after. I got out of the car to canvas the location better and spotted a boulder down the embankment, sitting just where the hillside met the lake. This was it, I was going to do it on that boulder! Meanwhile, as I was nervously focused on finding this spot, Jose had been content on getting cozy at the picnic table and enjoying, not only the beautiful scenery, but his coffee and granola bar.
Having located my strategic spot, I went back to the vehicle to inconspicuously collect the ring, then announced to Jose that I was going to make my way down to the boulder to enjoy my breakfast. Jose got up from the picnic table, took one look down the embankment at the boulder and said with a laugh, “You’re crazy!” Determined not to let this derail my plans, I simply responded, “Well, I’ll go down there and let you know how it is…”
After successfully making the trek down the embankment and climbing up onto the boulder, I proceeded to call up to Jose, “Hey, this is pretty cool! You need to come down and check out the view; plus, there’s no cars!” After much encouragement, probably a little too much harassment, and a little gentle push from behind, I managed to get Jose up on the boulder. His version of the story will claim the boulder was much more in the water than on the land, and he was convinced he and all his belongings (e.g. wallet) were going to end up in the water.
Finally, with both of us on the boulder and a spectacular surrounding view, I got down on one knee and asked Jose to marry me. I had written what I was going to say on a note in my phone, so here it is for reference:
“Jose, since the moment I first saw you, I knew something was different about you. You have an energy that lights up any dark space. You fill the spaces around you with joy - including my heart. Even the littlest thing you do leaves the biggest smile on my face. I don’t want to imagine a life without you in it and, if you say yes, I want to walk this life with you by my side. I promise to love you every single day and spend those days trying to make you just as happy as you make me. Will you marry me and be my partner in life?!”
At first, Jose wasn’t sure what was going on. Remember, I had just been an unofficial celebrant at the start of our holiday and he thought maybe I was reading what I had said at that ceremony. Once it sunk in, though, I think he was in shock. After the shock wore off, which of course felt like an eternity to me, he said yes. We had a good laugh at the fact that, due to us both being so nervous, he held out the wrong hand, so the ring went on the wrong finger … but, oh well, he said yes!
When did you get married?
Saturday, 19th December 2020 at 7:00pm.
What was the main influence behind your wedding day?
We both love family, friends, travel, adventure and the outdoors. We wanted our special day to include all of these things.
Prior to COVID, our original plans were to host a destination wedding at the Hotel Iberostar Paraiso Maya in Playa del Carmen, Quintana Roo, Mexico. In March / April 2020, as things started to get worse globally, we made a call to cancel our contract with the resort, seek credits for our flights, etc. We lost money in the process, but it was the right thing to do.
In June 2020, between Melbourne’s lockdowns, we ventured down to Victoria’s South Gippsland Coast. It was during this long weekend getaway with friends that we discovered the George Bass Coastal Walk. We instantly fell in love with the area and teased the idea of arranging an outdoor ceremony somewhere along the Coastal Walk.
Fast forward through July-Nov 2020 and one of the world’s strictest lockdowns, our plans were simply in limbo. We wrestled with our desire to spend our day with our closest family and friends. Should we wait? With us being from different parts of the world, when would our families and friends ever meet? It was a very important decision for us. The truth was, we would be guaranteed no better opportunity. In the end, we agreed that nothing about 2021 or 2022 would be guaranteed and were determined to go ahead with our ceremony. However, we’ve resolved to plan some sort of destination holiday and reception for our closest family and friends in the future.
So, as soon as Melbourne came out of lockdown in Nov 2020, we ventured back down to the Coastal Walk and scouted both our ceremony location, as well as reception location (Dirty Three Wines’ Cellar Door).
What was the most important thing to you surrounding your wedding?
We wanted to be surrounded by our closest family and friends. In the end, we were blessed to be able to celebrate with a party of 24, including a limited number of family and friends from interstate. The only family able to attend our wedding was Jose’s brother and sister-in-law, who live in Brisbane. Jose’s niece, who is nearly two, was the only member of our wedding party, and was our flower girl. She was assisted by her mother in walking down the aisle. Obviously, due to COVID, many international family and friends were unable to attend our wedding. As a surprise for us, though, a good friend of ours, who was also unable to attend on the day, curated a video of well wishes from around the world. The video was played during our reception, which was one of the highlights of the night.
We wanted a ceremony and reception that reflected us and our relationship. This meant we worked with our Celebrant to tailor the ceremony to include stories and jokes about us. We also wrote and read our own vows. We picked a cake topper that characterised our relationship.
We wanted to create a style that was elegant, yet rustic, with an intimate and engaging experience. The ceremony location itself created that intimate and engaging experience - i.e. you feel so insignificant when standing on a cape, with cliffs and a vast expanse of ocean before you. We sourced live acoustic music with Emma + Simon from Paper Hearts. We worked with Benji from Botany Green to ensure our floral arrangements, signage and other styling was the right combination of colours and textures, something that Benji called “rustic ocean”. For the reception, he helped incorporate and supplement the rustic decor of the cellar door with simple terracotta pots, candles and a splash of festoon lighting. An impressive Italian Antipasti was served up by Trulli, followed by yummy woodfire pizza. It was all simple, but profoundly beautiful!
Where did you find the bulk of your inspiration?
Derick: A combination of pinterest, input from friends and coaching from our suppliers. In particular, though, I’d really need to give credit to Benji from Botany Green and Art Nouveau Styling. Benji was such a huge help and we brainstormed many options together.
How did you choose your suppliers?
Derick: To be honest, I wish I could say I was super organised, had done all this research, etc. - and you’d think a gay couple would be prime suspects for planning a wedding. That just wasn’t the case! No thanks to COVID, we very much fumbled our way through planning, but had the amazing support of a couple of close friends. In the end, we ended up with the best suppliers that were appropriate for us - and supportive of same-sex marriage.
Note: Something that impressed me most about the supplier / small-business community was the support they demonstrated to one another - i.e. when one was unavailable, they had a list of 3-5 others that they’d recommend. I just thought this was so awesome!
Any standout suppliers?
Derick: At the risk of sounding cliche, I was so happy with all of our suppliers. Each one had a unique role to play and they just came together as a team and worked so seamlessly together. It’s not really something I thought about when selecting vendors, but their individual ability to effectively coordinate and work together as a team, really does influence the outcome of the experience. It goes without saying, a key player in this team was Glen Nicholls, the first and last supplier with us. As our photographer, Glen helped facilitate a seamless experience. He did a fantastic job of keeping us at ease, encouraging us to slow down and be in the moment, and to most importantly laugh. And it shows in his work! He really captured some beautiful, authentic moments. You can just look at his photos, the expressions on our faces, and see the happiness that he so successfully captured.
How did you translate more common wedding traditions to reflect your style of wedding?
Jose: In our case we wanted a ceremony that reflected us, no matter if that was close or completely different to what other couples do. We wanted a ceremony where we could celebrate our love and we had a ceremony pretty much tailored for us. We read vows and exchanged rings, but we wrote our own vows in order to make them intimate / personal and meaningful to us. We exchanged rings, but once again, the most important thing was in the cheekiness and joy that we had in exchanging those rings.
Derick: I think we had some initial hesitations of how we were going to manage the more traditional aspects of a wedding, but credit should be given to our Celebrant (Precious) who helped us brainstorm how we might manage these on the day. In that regard, I think it was important that we had a Celebrant who had prior experience with same-sex weddings. Some of the things we discussed with her included:
How to walk down the aisle - e.g. we ended up walking down it together, holding hands
How we were going to stand during the ceremony - e.g. we stood side-by-side, but also held hands when facing one another
How we were planning to refer to one another - e.g. the Celebrant would read, “I now pronounce you married and you may kiss your husband”
Would we kiss - we did
Would we do a first dance - we did
Whilst unconventional, yes, the focus of our wedding was a celebration of the love that two people share - and we were surrounded by those in our lives who celebrated this love with us.
Any surprises on your wedding day? Or anything that didn’t go to plan?
We were told by our Celebrant that, during the setup of the ceremony, a private resident came out to question what we were doing. Unfortunately, we didn’t realise we required a permit where we chose to host and she wasn’t too pleased, even threatened to call the local fire warden. Our Celebrant and Videographer did an amazing job of managing the situation, though, explaining that we were a small party and that we’d leave no footprint.
What was the most difficult thing about planning your wedding?
Derick: Of course the uncertainty created by COVID. Other than this, though, it’s probably reminding yourself that this is your wedding, your day. Don’t try and please other people in the planning process, it just adds unnecessary stress and makes decisions harder than they ought to be.
Any advice for other couples planning their day and finding it difficult to navigate the journey?
Derick and Jose: Make sure you’ve found the one because planning a wedding is crazy and you’re not going to want to do it twice! Just kidding, haha. A couple of thoughts from us:
Focus on designing a ceremony that is meaningful to you as a couple - remember, don’t try and please other people in the planning process. It's your wedding, your day.
Find those people in your life and work with your suppliers to brainstorm ideas. It really helps you wade through the plethora of ideas and land on what you’re really after.
The photographs and the videos are beautiful memories; we’re so happy we got them both, and they help us remember details we didn’t see on the day.
Make sure you go pee before the ceremony! Jose’s nerves got the best of him and he ended up having to go the entire pre-ceremony photoshoot AND ceremony, holding it.
The Team
Photography Glen Nicholls
Videographers Annette & Dani
Celebrant Precious Fawcett
Florals/Styling Botany Green
Reception Venue Dirty Three Wines
Music We Are Paper Hearts
Signage Elle's Quirky Designs
Suits Country Road
Cake Torte by Mirjana
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